Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My Travels, Part Two: Frankfurt, Frankfurt, Frankfurt...

As I did not have internet for a while, I wrote and wrote and wrote to post whenever I had a chance. This is my edited version. I know it rambles, so I apologise in advance!

Blog entry starting at 8:38am Frankfurt time
There is apparently internet in this lounge here in Frankfurt airport, but I can't use it. It's a T Mobile service you have to pay for, which is cool, but it isn't working! I filled out the form for my credit card info, clicked…and got a message saying that I can't pay by credit card right now. Sounds like such bullshit, right?

Then, I decided, "HEY I have a Paypal account I barely use! I can barely use it again, right?" No, I couldn't, because guess what? Signing into Paypal...requires an internet connection. POOF all my dreams of using the internet in this lounge have been shattered! So has my dream of taking a shower. There is a waitlist and uh…I don't think I am going any time soon. Damn Germans and their…ability to make things more efficient!

Anyway, Frankfurt itself as I was flying over it was SO BEAUTIFUL. I wanted to jump out of the plane and into those fluffy looking trees. I love the way everything looks so tiny, like toys, when you fly over land. No matter how many times I do it, it never fails to amuse and amaze me. I think about how cool it would be to pick up one of the trucks between two fingers.

Ugly-ass Frankfurt airport

I am really disappointed with this airport. It's nothing special. It reminds me of the disappointment I felt when I arrived in Vienna's airport back in 2006. Ugh, that is maybe the worst airport ever actually, I don't even know if it is worse than this one! I just know that I didn't like it at all, and when I stepped into Vienna I felt SO annoyed. It was so ugly! Here I kind of felt the same way, especially with this lounge. It's so quiet and dead but it has so many people in it. Everyone is struggling to be quiet.

OF COURSE, that means I HAVE to have the bright lime green case with the faulty wheel that makes a super loud CLACK CLACK CLACK when I pull it. EVERYONE stares at me and again, OF COURSE they stare at me when my hair happens to be greasy, I smell, my breath smells, and my clothes are all rumpled because I slept on the flight.

It's actually pretty hilarious, now that I think about it.

Man, I just want to get on my flight right now. Um, I landed at about 7am and got to the lounge at 8:30am somehow! I am therefore spending only a little less than 4 hours in this boring, drab lounge. Thank GOD it is not longer or I would explode. I hope the shower will take a good amount of time, but then again I would feel bad because I know there are other people waiting on that list. OOF! I was looking forward to getting cleaned up and not stinking horribly!

What I am most amazed by is how quiet it is, and how I have not heard even one announcement for boarding yet. I guess I am just on my own here! Every lounge in the world that I have been to announces the flights that are boarding. Maybe this one does but I sure as hell haven't heard it yet. It isn't very nice, is it? That's it - I am just going to leave early. At like…11:15. It'll take me 20 years to walk all the way to my gate anyhow!
[NOTE AT 9:08AM] I am a douchebag. They made an announcement to get people to board their flight and I am a horrible person.

Ugh…the walk (and air rail ride!) here from the plane was not as bad as Dubai, but it was a long walk after a flight where I only slept for like 2 hours. I'm tired! That's why I am grumpy and want my shower. I also really need that shower because I felt bad for the woman who was feeling me up at the security thing. She REALLY felt me up, too - she must have liked me. Grabbed my breasts and everything. And I mean it - she GRABBED my breasts. Yes, they are real, lady! You could have just asked!

Okay, no, I understand the need, I am just kidding. I was not kidding about feeling bad for her though - she had to touch me all over the place while I STANK. Oof, my stench must have made her leave and privately vomit. I wouldn't blame her. I am so gross right now!

It's such a shame because when I went to the lavatory on the plane I was so please to see that I didn't look as horrible as I usually do. I guess that facial I went to yesterday really helped! It felt great when I was getting it, so it was totally worth it for that alone. Now, all of that is gone - I am gross, gross, GROSS. And did I say I was smelly? I don't think I talked about that enough.

Okay it is 9:37am and I practically ran and jumped like crazy when I heard my name called for a shower. They pronounced my name is "Khadaya" which is always a pretty mispronunciation. Hell, if that were my name, I'd be totally happy. The shower was AMAZING. It was a funny shower that sprayed in my FACE with hot water (I swear it was like Mr. Bean or some cheap comedy movie or something). I thought that I screwed things up because I saw that the water was escaping the shower…but there was a drain right outside which was meant for this kind of thing. Good on Germany for thinking about idiots like me who want to shower in their airports!

Obligatory picture of me in the mirror being grumpy and needing to shower.

I feel SO good right now, so much more energized. Another thing that makes me super happy is the fact that I have a BEAUTIFUL coffee next to me.


I had to take a picture because it is the prettiest thing in this whole airport.

I have written so much here in this Notepad document that I know I will be cutting a lot out of it. I hate it when I ramble and then publish it on my blog, but I love the actual rambling. If anyone I knew were right here and asking me about my flight, I'd be really babbly (is that even a word?) and I'd have so much fun talking about everything that is going on around me. I LOVE talking about airport experiences - the good and the bad. The good usually has to do with food and the bad generally has to do with stuff like crabby passengers, babies or BAD food. Or ugly airports with ugly ugly design.

Okay, I have to explain why I said babies: I HATE BABIES. I hate babies! I hate them as much as Glenn Beck hates Woodrow Wilson ("I hate that guy!") and that make me a horrible human being, I know. But babies are so, so, SO damn annoying. They sing to themselves in their annoying high pitched squeaky voices, they complain and scream and squirm and never do anything their Mom or Dad tells them to. I also think they look like little aliens. I totally looked like an alien when I was a baby, I know!

There is nothing, NOTHING worse than a crying baby on an airplane. NOTHING. There is nothing the parent can do, or the flight attendants, or anyone because that baby is just gonna cry and cry and cry and whine and make high pitched noises. It gets even worse when they are a little older and are starting to babble weird noises and sing irritating little songs or read out every word that they see because they just learned how to read ARGHARGHARGH. Makes me so mad! There should be a NO BABY section, just for me. It'd be a Khadeja section - with its own lavatory. Oh HELL yeah! My dream come true!

I didn't have a baby crying or being irritating on my flight but I have had it before and I am experiencing it right now in Frankfurt. There are babies everywhere at this airport! There was even a line for mothers with babies at the security! What is Frankfurt, Baby capital of the world? Oof! I hope that is only limited to the airport because Frankfurt looked so beautiful and I'd love to visit someday. Then again, if I didn't like the German-ness of Vienna, maybe I really won't like it. It is always worth a try, right?

Oh, by the way, speaking on annoying things - that irritating woman in the Riyadh lounge was on my flight to Frankfurt! Imagine my dismay as I saw her on the damn plane, going to MY lavatory! She was in first class, don't they have their own damn toilet? Hahaha okay, really, I didn't see her again and she didn't bother me. That's such a good thing. I have to admit though that I was terrified that I'd get stuck sitting next to her. That would have been such a nightmare.

On the flight, I did a lot of iPod touch blogging to condense for later. Now that I have limited time on my computer and on the internet, my editing has to go super fast! Let's see what I got:


3:06am Saudi time and I am super duper tired. The Lufthansa plane is SO pretty and the seats and legroom are awesome in this business class! Considering how much cheaper it is than Emirates, I am so happy - and relieved. We are now 840km over ground although I might be wrong because I only just caught that info on the screen. I see that little plane on the diagram. It is right on top of Riyadh.

It is pitch black outside. When we took off Riyadh was a thousand orange lights. Is this the last time? I don't know now.

Anyway, I like this plane. I can't wait to see the lavatory! Yeah - that is what I look at, the damn toilet! What I really wanna do is see my exhausted FACE. I must look hideous right now!

I put on quite a show when I was getting settled - my huge lime green case (which all the attendants commented on) took the strength of the Hulk to get up into the overhead bin. Everyone was staring to see if I would topple over, I swear. If I were them, I would too! I didn't topple over though - I got it in there and when I got switched to a better seat (OH YEAH) I took it down and then wrestled it back to another bin! Hell yeah!

Ooooooh it's snack time!

Actually this was NOT a part of snack time but pre-snack time. It was lemon juice - with MINT. Much better.
3:22am and they just served the guy nearest to me red wine. Portuguese, I think. Well, whaddaya know? I thought that wasn't allowed on flights to or from Saudi!

I had canapes and coffee and a walnut pastry thing. The canapes were good: block of salmon, one with chicken breast, strawberry and olive (I think) and then roast beef and orange [NOTE: I was super wrong about what these things were!!! I looked at the menu and the "beef" was DUCK and the chicken was something else. Oops!] The walnut pastry [NOTE: It was BACLAVA, my favourite thing I just couldn't remember what the hell it was called in my insomniac state] was SO GOOD with that coffee!

Oooooh okay now we are over Al-Kuwait or something and nearing Tel Aviv. Woooo it is 3:31 and I should really be getting some sleep, dawg! [NOTE: Dawg? REALLY?]

Ok for reals [NOTE: Again - REALLY?] it is 3:41 and I don't wanna sleep juuuuuuust yet. Might just listen to music for a little while.


And from there, I just went to sleep. It took me a long time, but I eventually was able to find a good position. When I woke up, I ate the best muesli in the WORLD. I have never had such good muesli ever. It was creamy and sweet - and best of all, there were no raisins!

Now, I must really go. My laptop battery is dying and my internet time is running out. More of my travels will be revealed after I finally arrive in Boston. It is 10:52am and I will probably leave this lounge in 30 minutes or so.

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